


why is he here?

by Zinny3



Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode Related, Episode: s08e11 Beyond Repair, Gen, Medical Jargon, OCC thoughts?, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Whump, idk i'm just doing my best with the tags here, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26241550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinny3/pseuds/Zinny3
Summary: Carter's thoughts during his run in with Paul Sobriki in "Beyond Repairs".
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	why is he here?

**Author's Note:**

> This was entirely inspired by Mark's quote in here and how Carter reacted to the situation.
> 
> Also, Noah Wyle's acting in this scene will always say more and be better than anything I could write.

Carter walks up to Abby to give her some nurse orders and update her on a patient she gave him. It was a bit unusual, but she is his friend, and it was no problem on his part.

"Abby, when you get a chance, I need a thick and thin smear and a culture in curtain three."

"Yeah," she says as she takes the clipboard from him.

"Oh, and your diarrhea patient was hue-negative, just a little PO challenge, so, I sent him home with some – "

"Carter, I have a five-year old with abdominal pain, and I'm worried about intussusception."

"Is there any blood in the stool?"

"No, but he had a palpable mass."

In the background is when Carter hears the voice, the voice he never thought he would have to hear again.

"Carter…" It makes sense now. But at the same time, it makes no sense. What is Paul Sobriki doing here, in his ER?

"I'm okay, I'm okay. Daddy slipped and fell, and he hit his head, but I'm okay."

Carter turns around, to make sure it was not a nightmare he is in.

"They put you in restraints." In the back of his mind, Carter identifies the voice as the wife.

"Yeah, it's just a precaution. They're a little paranoid."

He could not believe his eyes. The man who stabbed him is complaining about being in restraints. Why is he even here?

"Oh, it's you. I'm sorry."

"What happened? What's he doing here?" Carter needs an explanation, something that could prove none of what is happening right now is real.

"He slipped and fell outside his office building."

"His office building?"

"He's on conditional release."

"You're out?" He directs his toward the man in the gurney. Carter almost feels the fear, the anger rising in his throat, but he could not get a hold of it.

"I'm better. I'm sorry. That wasn't me that did that to you, to your friend. You know that, right? You're a doctor, you know it's a disease. I'm being treated. I'm okay now."

Carter did not know what to think. He was right. It is a disease. It wasn't him that killed Lucy. That stabbed him in the back. That left him one kidney short. That prompted his drug problem. That made him essentially have to restart his career, because he barely gets through the day without thinking of taking another hit. It wasn't him. It was his schizophrenia.

But that did not stop Carter from wanting to let Paul know exactly what happened to him. The shock of seeing him again was starting to wear off, and the anger was rising up in his throat. It almost came bubbling out.

It was only Mark's words from the beginning of his time at County that stopped him: _People come in here, and they’re sick and dying and bleeding, and they need our help. And helping them is more important than how we feel._

"Great. I'm glad you're okay." Perhaps it was a bit sarcastic, but Carter could not stay there any longer.

He bumps into some people on his way to the restroom. The blood is rushing in his ears, and it is like he is back in that moment. The hall is darker than he knows it actually is.

He rushes into the restroom but slows down once he is inside. Paul is back in his ER, his safe place. Carter does not know how to even begin to handle this. He takes off his stethoscope and puts it in the pocket of his lab coat.

He turns on the water at the sink, hoping some cold water will bring himself back to reality. He cannot do this in front of other people though; he glances at the stalls behind him and no one is there. Good.

He rinses off his face and towels it off with a napkin. He looks at himself in the mirror and lets out a deep breath, one he did not realize he was holding until just then. Everything will be fine. Paul is on medication. He is in restraints as a precaution. There is security with him. The room is a little lighter.

He turns and gets ready to go back out to the real world. He could not stop himself from throwing up in the sink.

**Author's Note:**

> I am doing my best and want to improve, so please leave a comment!


End file.
